A Man’s Guide to Starting Therapy: What to Expect and How to Prepare
Why Men Avoid Therapy—and Why They Shouldn’t
Despite growing public awareness, many men still hesitate to start therapy. Whether it’s due to stigma, fear of being judged, or uncertainty about what therapy involves, men are significantly less likely than women to seek professional help for emotional or psychological struggles (Addis & Mahalik, 2003).
The result? Many men wait until they’re in **crisis—burnt out, grieving, facing a broken relationship, or struggling with trauma—**before getting help.
The good news is that therapy doesn’t have to be mysterious or overwhelming. This guide breaks down what men can expect from therapy, how to prepare, and why male-focused approaches often lead to better results.
What Men Should Know Before Starting Therapy
1. Therapy is a Tool, Not a Sign of Weakness
Many men have internalized the message that asking for help equals failure. In reality, seeking therapy is a sign of self-awareness, strength, and commitment to personal growth.
In fact, mental health therapy has been shown to improve emotional regulation, relationships, productivity, and overall well-being, particularly when men engage early and actively (Mahalik et al., 2022).
🔗 Read More About Therapy for Men
2. You Don’t Have to Know Exactly What’s Wrong
A common concern men share is: “I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling.” That’s okay.
Therapists are trained to help clients clarify emotional experiences, identify patterns, and set goals even when the client feels lost or stuck.
You can show up unsure—the work of therapy is to find clarity together.
Common Reasons Men Start Therapy
Stress, burnout, or career pressure
Relationship conflict or disconnection
Addiction (pornography, alcohol, etc.)
Emotional numbness or depression
Childhood trauma or unresolved grief
Loss of purpose or identity crises
🔗 Am I Addicted? A Guide for Men Struggling With Porn or Sex Addiction
What to Expect in Your First Few Sessions
1. The Intake Process: Laying the Foundation
Your first session, often called an intake or diagnostic assessment, focuses on gathering history and understanding why you’re seeking therapy now.
You can expect to discuss:
Presenting concerns
Mental health history
Relationship and family background
Past trauma (only at your pace)
Current functioning and coping strategies
Therapists may use clinical tools like the PHQ-9 (for depression) or GAD-7 (for anxiety) to measure baseline symptoms.
2. Building the Therapeutic Relationship
The relationship you form with your therapist—also called the therapeutic alliance—is one of the strongest predictors of positive outcomes in therapy (Horvath et al., 2011).
You don’t need to feel an instant connection, but you should feel safe, respected, and heard. If you don’t, it’s okay to explore other providers.
3. Setting Goals and Exploring Strategies
Together with your therapist, you’ll identify specific goals—whether it’s:
Reducing anxiety
Improving communication
Building emotional awareness
Developing healthier coping skills
Treatment may involve CBT, EMDR, mindfulness, or trauma-informed care, depending on your needs.
🔗 Read About EMDR for Men and PTSD
How Male-Focused Therapy Is Different
Therapists Who Understand Men’s Needs
Many men prefer therapy that’s:
Structured and goal-oriented
Focused on problem-solving and skill-building
Tailored to emotional suppression or avoidance
Therapists who specialize in men’s mental health recognize the relational, cultural, and emotional barriers men often face and help clients work within a framework of strength and resilience.
🔗 Explore Why Therapy for Men Is Different
How to Prepare Emotionally and Practically
1. Be Open to Discomfort
You don’t need to bare your soul on day one, but emotional growth often requires stepping outside your comfort zone. Therapy is a place to explore the edges of your emotional capacity in a supportive, guided setting.
2. Clarify Your Motivation
Ask yourself:
What do I want to be different in my life?
What relationships do I want to improve?
What am I tired of feeling (or not feeling)?
This internal clarity—even if vague—can help shape your therapy goals.
3. Be Consistent
Like any growth process, therapy is most effective when consistent. Weekly or biweekly sessions help create momentum. Commit to at least six sessions before evaluating effectiveness.
How Long Does Therapy Take?
Therapy length varies by goal, severity of symptoms, and life context. Some men benefit from short-term therapy (8–12 sessions) focused on immediate issues. Others engage in longer-term therapy to address complex trauma, addiction, or identity development.
The process is not linear. You may feel worse before you feel better, but this is often a sign that deeper emotional work is happening (Leichsenring et al., 2014).
What Kind of Therapy Is Right for You?
ConcernRecommended ApproachAnxiety, depressionCognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)Trauma, PTSDEye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)Porn or sex addiction12-Step + CSAT-informed therapyRelationship strugglesEmotion-Focused or Couples TherapyEmotional numbnessSomatic or Mindfulness-Based Approaches
🔗 Find a Therapist Who Fits Your Needs
Barriers to Watch For
1. Shame and Resistance
You may feel tempted to minimize your struggles or justify avoiding emotional work. These are common defenses. A good therapist will help you explore these with compassion.
2. Expecting Instant Relief
Therapy is not a quick fix. Sustainable change takes time, effort, and honesty. But the benefits—improved relationships, less stress, more clarity—are worth it.
3. Choosing the Wrong Fit
If your first therapist isn’t a good match, don’t give up. Therapy is most effective when the relationship feels safe and attuned to your goals.
Final Thoughts: Showing Up Is the Hardest Step
If you’re a man in Minnesota considering therapy, know this: you are not broken. You are not alone. And healing is possible.
Therapy can help you move from emotional shutdown to clarity, from shame to connection, and from crisis to a life of greater meaning.
📞 Start Therapy With a Men’s Specialist Today
Addis, M. E., & Mahalik, J. R. (2003). Men, masculinity, and the contexts of help seeking. American Psychologist, 58(1), 5–14. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.58.1.5
Horvath, A. O., Del Re, A. C., Flückiger, C., & Symonds, D. (2011). Alliance in individual psychotherapy. Psychotherapy, 48(1), 9–16. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0022186
Leichsenring, F., Abbass, A., Luyten, P., Hilsenroth, M., Rabung, S., & Barber, J. (2014). Psychodynamic therapy meets evidence-based medicine: A systematic review using updated criteria. The Lancet Psychiatry, 1(6), 467–475. https://doi.org/10.1016/S2215-0366(14)00083-0
Mahalik, J. R., Burns, S. M., & Syzdek, M. T. (2022). Masculinity and perceived normative health behaviors as predictors of men's health behaviors. Social Science & Medicine, 80(1), 14–21. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.socscimed.2022.03.015
Shapiro, F. (2018). Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy: Basic principles, protocols, and procedures (3rd ed.). Guilford Press.
